For the Mexican speaker and writer Melba Pazos, emotional intelligence is no longer an added value and has become a necessity for all people.
It is that, in his opinion, the way people interact is becoming more and more complicated and the pandemic only confirmed it, because, among the many lessons left by the global health crisis, there are those related to coexistence.
“Suddenly we realized that it was not so easy to live 24 hours, seven days a week, with the family and that emotions of anger, sadness, nostalgia arose, and it was like that notice that told people: ‘We have to learn to manage our emotions,’ “says the author of the book. Wake up, dare and transform.
Emotional intelligence, understood as the ability to recognize one’s own and others’ feelings and manage them appropriately, can be trained and developed. In fact, in the opinion of Pazos, who teaches courses on emotional intelligence for companies, no one finishes handling this capacity one hundred percent; you have to exercise it every day.
To learn to manage emotions, says the human resources consultant and trainer, everyone must learn to see themselves “from a place of greater responsibility.” In other words, it must stop blaming others for your negative reactions or feelings.
“Nobody has the power to rile you up, they don’t even have the power to rip you off your peace; it is you, from the place where you are used to living, which is the ego, the one who blames the other. But if you see it from the place of your responsibility, and you become the total owner of your emotions, you will be able to begin to live and interact with the other from good judgment and maturity, that is where maturity is, ”says Pazos .
That ego from which, he says, people are used to living and reacting, is managed by the inner child, which can harbor consequences of pain, abandonment, rejection or insufficiency.
However, Pazos believes that emotions are neither good nor bad, “they are necessary”, and proposes to learn to use them to his advantage. Whoever achieves the latter, will realize that emotions such as anger and anger can become the best motivators to achieve life goals, that sadness stimulates self-knowledge and introspection, or that fear serves as a protection mechanism against the dangers that lurk in the environment.
“Emotion is not bad, emotion is useful”, insists Pazos, who was in the country last week to participate in the People Leaders Summit, organized by AFP Crecer.
During the event, the Mexican gave the conference “Managing emotions from a different communication”, in which she shared four strategies to manage emotions and communicate them assertively, since she considers that not expressing them leads to diseases. These are his top four tips:
1. Become the owner of your silences and not a slave to your words. “Every word that comes out of my mouth is my responsibility, you didn’t provoke it. No matter how badly you have treated me, I decided if I would answer you or not ”, he explains.
2. Use your words impeccably. “I cannot pretend that you treat me correctly, if I treat you badly,” he says and adds that assertive communication of emotions does not give rise to sarcasm. “Sarcasm means bleeding the soul,” says Pazos, who urges, instead, to use expressions inspired by compassion and understanding.
3. Don’t assume. “All beings are unique and different, the way of assuming mine comes from my own history, which has nothing to do with yours.”
4. Don’t take anything personally. “People have the right to think or say something about you, just as you have the right to think something about other people, but if you are a person who knows yourself, who you trust and are confident, you do not listen to those things.”
A negative experience in her childhood made Melba Pazos promise never to speak in public again. Life had different plans for her.
As she grew older, she realized that her friends always came to her for advice. Also, curious and thirsty for knowledge, she couldn’t help but share everything she learned.
After taking a course in neurolinguistic programming, Pazos began to teach courses on the subject and, finally, she became convinced that, contrary to what she thought when she was a child, she was good at communicating, but not communicating any message. but one of personal growth and development. He began studying psychology at age 45 and continued giving courses and talks. She is the author of the book Wake up, dare and transform, which he describes as a guide to wellness and happiness.
Emotional intelligence to understand others