Question: I am 30 years old and my case is the following: when it comes to having sex I get very anxious and I don’t concentrate, I don’t enjoy anything. I currently have a partner, but it is something that also happened to me when I was single. How can I control my anxiety when making love?
Response: Feel anxiety before the sexual act is very common, especially when you do not have full confidence in the other person, or in your performance during the encounter, or in your body. In addition to the previous reasons, there is another important one that also affects the enjoyment of the sexual act and you just mentioned in your question: concentration.
Sexual enjoyment is achieved by involving the body and the mind in equal parts. A pleasurable sexual relationship cannot be conceived if both parties are not in tune, as the experience is both physical and emotional. It is important that you always keep in mind that insecurities, fears and not so good experiences from the past prevent you from disconnecting and scatter your attention from the pleasure you may be feeling.
Analyze your situation thoroughly so that you can identify what is causing you such anxiety. Is it your body? your expectations? Your previous meetings? This is very important to know in order to find the solution to what alters your balance.
I recommend you visit a sexologist who can guide you in this process and, at the same time, clarify the panorama for you. Remember that sex education plays a relevant role, because the more information you handle, the more security you will have to start or enjoy the act.
In the meantime, it would be good for you to start doing relaxation exercises on a daily basis so that your body and mind release what affects them. Try deep breathing, mindfulness, or meditation techniques. Choose the one of your preference, but be constant so that you achieve the change you are looking for.